MADONNA
Top 80's pop diva-- Although her music becomes a little more mediocore with each passing year, I could not resist the urge to buy The Immaculate Collection when it came out; a veritable soundtrack to my junior high and high school daze. Why exactly I want to remember orthidonture and bad haircuts is, frankly, beyond me, but maybe I'm just nostalgic for the days when radio played music that I liked; albiet in the form of younger tastes. A reminder to anyone who is gay, it is a violation of Queer Code 5356.7 to not own Erotica-- Prosecution is punishable by confiscation of all Calvin Klein paraphenalia; including apparel, printed material, and internet downloads.
MARILYN MANSON
Meglomaniacal poser-- Ignore him he'll go away. His most wicked accomplishments are triggering a metal revival and nudging Goth a little more into the mainstream; An Alanis Morrisette Christmas album would be scarier than he is. Okay, I do like some of his songs, but only because they reek of Trent Reznor having a hand in their production.
BOB MARLEY
who had an ironic laid-backness to him and an unbounding attraction to catnip
The godfather of reggae, whose success was one of the few good things to come out of the 70's. More than just pot-head fodder, Marley is a master of mellow grooves and smooth vocals-- and Legend unquestionably ranks as a must have album. There is probably no other musician in history who could be so political, but not be as obnoxious about it as most tend to be. Anyone who doesn't acquaint themselves with it stands to live a life of terminal squaredom; My dad listens to Marley, for Pete sake! By the way, if anyone can tell me what a booga-wooga is and why Ms. Brown has brown sugar all over it, I would like to know.
MASSIVE ATTACK
Anyone in the extraordinarily tired genre of gangsta rap could learn a lot from these guys: Intensity doesn't have to be about dick size, screaming into the microphone, or swearing every other word. Massive Attack are an example of trip-hop at its finest degree, smoky voices melded into tricked out, laid back beats and dub sounds. Even while these guys are able to turn out some of the most beautifully dark sounds in techno, they also churn out such poetic and vocal beauty as found in "Teardrop." It is a feat of talent not matched by many in the industry today. (Note: If you see their Singles Box Set, get your hands on it, literally-- It's heat reactive and will mymic your fingerprints so they become part of the box design.)
MASTER P
You think if he wasn't busy producing an album a week from his record label, he'd have the time to go out and buy a good laxative? Cuz' whatever he's using now is obviously no good. The fact that he's recently added "Colonel" to the front of his name make me think he's finally gone into some kind of septic shock. Ugggggnnhhhhhhh!!!
MATCHBOX 20
Trying sooo hard I can't tell if it's more painful to watch or listen to-- Could we just rip off Oasis' bad hair and mewling vocals any more?
DAVE MATTHEWS BAND
Kings of Flaccid Rock. These guys have just got to be one of the most boring bands to ever exist-- This s*** is the elevator music of the 21st Century.
BOBBY McFERRIN
Everybody knows him by "Don't Worry, Be Happy," but what they don't know is that that song is probably one of his lesser talented efforts and shows little of the full breadth of his amazing vocal skills and musical stylings-- Take for example the song "Drive" from the same album as "Don't Worry, Be Happy," which is a stunning display of vocal feats. Or take the stunning, raw talent strewn throughout the entirity of Spontanious Inventions which makes modern acapella pop grossly pallid by comparison. Explore his Voicestra in Medicine Man, or the springboard of his classical music exploration (with Yo-Yo Ma) in Hush.
METALLICA
For the socially dejected, asexual 15-year-old boy in us all.
PAT METHENY
While rock flounders to survive in the modern day, America killed jazz many years ago leaving it to be followed by merely a handful of those who actually live in the music's native land. One of jazz's greatest guitarists, Metheny is an artist whom you either love or hate, his songs merely elevator music to the untrained ear or the perfect soundtrack for dawn to the more educated. His music has many different sounds, and I admit I don't like his more folk stylings which his 70's recordings and a few of his modern ones reflect. His American Garage album is one of the worst things I've ever heard-- Him literally banging on a guitar for an hour. However, the likes of his standard jazz work (question and answer) or modern jazz (Secret Story, Still Life (Talking), Quartet) constantly find their way into my CD player. While no means party music [maybe after the partry music], his sounds are better for road trips, stargazing, and intimate dinners.
GEORGE MICHAEL
I like his music, and play Listen Without Prejudice regularly-- Critics of the time trashed the album, obviously oblivious to the title or the actual music, but maybe they were just mad about having to listen to all those songs from Faith, or were upset that George was still a big-ass, freaky closet case at the time. Hello George, we saw the Wham! videos, I've known you were gay since I was 10 (before I even knew what a homosexual was), I don't know why it took you so damn long to figure this out!
MOBY
Godfather of techno. He was my first favorite techno artist, and stands as one of my all-time favorite musicians around today-- Everything Is Wrong is an eclectic collection of music, showing his mastery of music, and is one of the greatest albums to come out of the 90's. The sister remix import album Everything Is Wrong: The Deejay Mix Album (a.k.a. Mixed and Remixed) is one of the greatest music collections to get really caffeinated to. While I generally find ambient music to be crap, his Ambient album stood far above the common offerings, but was a little too effective in winding me down: I fell asleep the first several times listening to it! His remix discs are also great, although Animal Rights and The End of Everything are pretty much fan-only albums. Find something with a remix of "Go" on it (entirely undifficult) and chug down a quadrouple mocha, it's an experience that'll leave you feeling totally blissed out.
ALANIS MORRISETTE
Alt rock simpering with a bit of yodeling-- Nothing more.
MOTLEY CRUE
When I sell my soul to Satan to become a rock star, I'm doing it for musicianship.
MY LIFE WITH THE THRILL KILL KULT
There is a great sadneess within me-- The knowledge that Sexplosion! [the coolest title ever for an album] is out of print; and is very hard to find in used CD stores. How horrible to know that today's children will not be able to sit around the campfire and sing "Sex on Wheelz" or "Disko Fleshpot" from the also out of print 13 Above the Night. A darker techno fare with a wicked fondness for kink and pseudo-Satanic kitsch, TTK has become one of my favorite musical discoveries of the 90's. I looked for the Kooler Than Jesus EP for years-- and then it was reissued a few months after I found it. (D'oh!) Those wishing to sample their work (currently in print) can try Hit and Run Holiday for more traditional TKK fare, or their last album A Crime For All Seasons which is a bit more guitar-centric than usual (and comes with cool stickers). Now turn it up and make it hot!
