Mind buzzed in the wane of night's doings-- Tired eyes remained barely open, a mocha clutched closely, the steam caressing his features. Solitude in Vegas, he thought, seemed an irony; having wandered out to some earthy coffeehouse in the edge of the Strip. Tempos and random thoughts flickered through his mind, lips sucking at the whipped cream on his drink as the rosy-fingered dawn lurked on the horizon. Ryan Buscetti restlessly glanced about the empty cafe, looking down and noticing the buttons on his blazer had come undone, his torso bare beneath. He refastened the buttons, then took a quick sip from his drink, grimaced and laid the heel of his palm against his temple; tighter and tighter until it even became slightly painful. He took a deep breath. Something Fifties jazz with just an bit of Afro-Cuban flavor played in the background, but he couldn't quite identify it; tapped his finger in perfect beat on the table's edge, humming the bassline to himself and glancing back out into the desert dawn: Lips kissed his cheek, and Bev Hathaway took a seat on the opposite side of the table, her pleasant smile half-worn by morning-- She gazed peacefully into his azure eyes and watched him nurse his drink, both remaining silent a moment.

" We need to talk There's something I need to tell you." She listened attentively, watching him think his words out; watching him having a bit of trouble doing this. " Irrelevant of what happened last night"-- looking deeply to her-- "I want you to know that I do really like you." She smiled and reached across the table, squeezing his hand, "I've never really felt towards a woman the way I feel towards you."

" Are you telling me that you love me?"

Shutting his eyes, "No, that's not it. I'm telling you I'm gay-- and this was Well, it was a serious mistake."

"Gay?" She laughed softly and let go of his hand, " Goddamn, why is it the really cute ones? Jesus, last night Well, h-how gay are you? I mean, last night!"

"As queer as a queer can be-- I've been 'out' for about four years I think, well Yeah, since I was seventeen. But I kind of have to admit to having some feelings for you. Over these past few weeks, I mean. Well before we even got to the poolhall and touched that first round of tequila. There's something about the way certain musicians play with each other. I think you can understand that there can be enormous chemistry from the way we play together: I mean, our performance last night was really goddamn great wasn't it?!-- My rhythm and your voice!"

"And which performance of ours, dear, are you referring to exactly?"

Ryan shuddered a bit as a blush grew in his cheeks and he tried to collect himself; tried to not let her get to him as she deviously grinned upon him. "Truth be told I admit, okay, occasionally I'll come across a girl who has appealing qualities. I know it's what you want to hear. And you're not the first woman I've told this too. Sometimes I've almost even felt obligated to move on those kinds of feelings-- It's a total sell-out notion: Wife, kids, house in the burbs with a white picket fence. No more fuckin' cheesy, cruisy meat market bars I hate in the first place, no more sneaking around, no more having to have 'talks' with women who dig on me-- God, I hate letting them down. But I am sooo gay. It's hard. I've always wanted a serious relationship, but I've always been a little too paranoid. I like a relationship to be able to function openly; in public and all but that's been impossible. In general, I despise the gay community, to be quite honest. None of it seems to be me. Too many assimilate themselves into stereotypes because they don't know how to be themselves. I've never really been attracted to a man who I could tell was gay. And it's been a long, hard quest to find a good boyfriend. You know, a simple, cute type who looks good in a pair of Speedos and can make a killer marinara sauce."

" Your intrigue is certainly quite flattering, Ryan."

"My damned intrigue could just very well be my guilt talking, I've never really had a one night stand. Especially not with a female. Given the typical queer or jazz musician, I suppose I could be considered virtually saintly by some views. Then again, I do have that heavy drinking thing down well. No offense, Bev, but I'm just really disgusted with myself right now-- Try not to take it too personal."

"You've never fucked a girl before?"

"Nooo!"

" Well, then maybe I don't feel totally awful, after all." She continued to smile, stretched her legs under the table and tapped his foot, stirring him just a bit, "Are you seriously telling me you've never been seriously interested in any woman before?"

"Never? No, certainly not 'never.'" The first sunbeam broke over the horizon, Ryan glancing out to the dawn and wincing at the sunlight, "Once upon an crisis, I dated this girl in a feeble attempt to straighten myself out. Unfortunately, she had this brother A big brother And he was big-- It was twisted to say the least, especially since I never put out in any way for her and not ten minutes after the first night out with him, he was giving such tremendous blow, I felt like an absolute virgin to the experience. It was all bad from the start. He was a very closet bi, couldn't handle the 'alternative lifestyle;' Never wanted to commit to calling me a boyfriend or anything, even though we did, however, fuck a lot Wow, a lot. That may have been all we ever did, and it was a bad way to get whatever it was out of my system. At the time, I just had to know that I wasn't the only one in the world who felt that way. I wish it could have meant more." He looked back across the table to Bev, who leaned back on her chair some, "Alas, certain fate did befall me. He started going through a crisis phase all of his own just as I thought I was falling deeply, madly head over heels, I ended up being dumped for a d-cup blonde bitch who turned him into a breeder; Most literally-- Got her pregnant, the fucking asshole." He thought a moment, sipping the last of the liquid from his drink; lips slipping along the edge of the glass to savor the final taste; a wicked grin becoming his expression as he looked devilishly to her, "Fucker deserved it-- 'I got me some pussy, now outta my life faggot'! Not his exact words mind you, but in the end I think it was the basic sentiment. They did the whole nine yards: Had the kid, got married So fucked up. I feel pity for a child not born in a union of love."

"Like ours could be?"

Sharp clang of his glass against the tabletop made both wince, Ryan lurching to silence the object and regained it in his now shaking grip, eyes fixed down to the glass as Bev leaned forward with her elbows to the table, voice speaking in a lower tone which evoked a smokier cadence to it-- " In addition to the feelings I seem to have 'developed' for you in these last hours, it is one of the reasons I came to find you." She paused a moment to watch him, Ryan motionless, seeming only to breath from the narrow space between his slightly parted lips. Small, quick breaths with no particular continuity. She leaned forward just a bit, reaching out and laying her palm to his cheek, "We weren't exactly uh, 'safe' any of the times." He stared back sharply, trying to speak several times before actually getting anything out:

"T-TimeS?!"

"As far I recall: the bed, the bathroom, and the balcony."

"I only " Ryan's voice trailed off. Sunlight now shined over both, who seemed a little sensitive to it. Bev took the glass into her hands a moment and moved it mindlessly in her grip from one hand to the other, staring into the perfect color of Ryan's eyes in the morning light.

"I don't want you to think that I'm taking this lightly, and I don't want you to think I put my music before every aspect of my life, but you do understand I've had to think about certain other things just to keep myself from going totally insane for certain moments in these last few hours What I'm so badly trying to say, is that I think you're much better and more stable than the bass player you've been subbing for-- I want you in my quartet, Ryan. If If we can get past what we've so stupidly done I've got a few months of small venues and festivals coming up for the summer-- Decent paying gigs. But we will, essentially, be living together. Well, around each other with Billy and August."

"Very sweet deal, Bev But what if we never feel any more comfortable around each other than we do right now?"

" All we have to do is get past this second in time."