How to Make Bad Techno:
1) You need a canned beat-- A 110-140 BPM one that sounds like a bad drum machine.
2) You need one sample you loop through the entire song to compliment your canned beat. Try a James Brown or Parliment one. If you don't have one of their albums, record yourself. Say something clever and original like "Drop the bass," optionally using a bad mixer sound effect to make your voice sound like you're on helium.
3) Why spend money on equipment? That $100 Casio keyboard mom gave you for your 12th birthday will work just find-- Set it so piano and pound away. If it has sampling abilities, try sampling a synthesizer sound from one of your 2 Unlimited CDs.
4) You need a women whose voice couldn't hit the right note if her life depended on it-- If you can't find a woman, just play your keyboard twice as fast; or overlap about four tracks of various sounds so all the noise will distract people from how shitty you really are.
5) Continue for seven minutes.